As stated in part one consent is ever flowing and changing. Societal factors contribute to any gender’s consent being disregarded. Though someone has social capital and power, one to one interactions can still cause this person’s consent to not be honored. Taking consent on a case by case basis is necessary and vital. Keeping ethical practices at top of mind when assessing if something has gone wrong. 

When initial contact with someone is initiated interactions should be black and white there is not much gray area when dealing with someone. Structural patterns caused by society for fem presenting folks and those of a quieter disposition make it so they may not explicitly say no. On the other end of the spectrum those who are men or masc presenting are thought to be hyper sexual so advances are aggressive with the assumption that this person will always accept advances. 

When approaching someone for romantic or sexual intentions several things need to be taken into account 

Time and place – initiating romantic or sexual advances at someone when they are conducting business or at their place of work is not appropriate. After hours if you run into this person you can attempt to make your intentions clear but honor the no you receive if one is given. Do not press or pressure someone in the future.

Verbal No – when you are talking to any gender someone may not explicitly say no. No may sound like “I’m not sure about that”, “maybe next time”, “I’m with my friends right now”, “I’m in a relationship no thank you” etc.

This could also look like being silent, one or two word answers, not meeting verbal advances with excitement meaning monotone answers. 

When you are first meeting someone in a public place, restaurant, day party, club etc. maybe, not being sure are all to be treated  as no. Someone under the influence of alcohol,  cannabis and other substances cannot consent. Any of these factors lead to and mean no 

Body Language no – When approaching someone if they pull away, move to another area, engage with their friends and do not acknowledge someone’s presence that is a no. 

Stepping closer to someone who is stepping away, following someone if they move to another part of the party, immediately reaching for physical contact such as a kiss, hug or sensitive areas such as vaginal areas is not appropriate nor does it properly establish consent 

Futhermore people can fawn. Pursuing someone by grabbing their groin, kissing on the cheek without asking, or pulling them in for a kiss is inappropriate nor does it properly establish consent 

Things to also keep in mind

Asking for pronouns, asking explicitly for what you want, while being transparent is the initial ground work needed to establish consent with someone your justl meeting.  

When reconnecting with someone don’t assume consent. Emotional state, timing or someone’s relationship status may have changed. Leaning on your rapport to approach while still checking in on whether this person wants to engage in whatever activity you want to move forward with is the better way to operate 

Long term interactions you should have a better gauge of their patterns. Face turnt down, quiet when they are usually talkative, Overall being attentive and communicative is safest. What is the norm in one interaction may not carry over to another interaction. 

At any stage of interaction honoring your boundaries & their boundaries is central to building a strong foundation for interactions, relationships and overall connections.